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King Of Kumquats

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Little Susie Dream, won’t you marry me? Things aren’t as they seem to be.
Little Susie Dream, you can be my queen, and I don’t mind if you don’t want to be seen.

Hey, please don’t be shy! You can dry your eyes - believe that I’m an okay guy.
Hey, please don’t be shy! I know that you’re a liar, but I also know you’ll grow to love
And we’ll fly, and be sunspots. As days pass like ink blots, we’ll buy adjacent grave plots.

I learned a lesson regarding the function I serve,
confessing nothing that I swear I didn’t deserve,
making a mess and getting on everybody’s nerves.

I went back to the Chick-fil-a bathroom where you OD’d,
where you would let me watch you feed.
I brushed my teeth and spilled my seed
just to feel as if with you again.

After I swallow my food it no longer exists.
It follows my foul fog and filthy air into the mist,
out into the hallway, slipping right out of my fist,
crawling the carpet that’s where my head hides when dismissed.

I never not once got to hear you sing.
Susie, baby, I think I did a terrible thing -
but that's what it takes, sometimes, to be the king.
Good night, I miss you, and amen.

VERY, VERY LOOSELY BASED ON A TRUE STORY. A few years ago, I made an account on with the username “susiedream” - a reference to the Suzy Creamcheese whose letter is featured on the back cover of Freak Out! by The Mothers of Invention - and listed my gender as female. It was one of the first and most successful experiments that I performed on my gender identity (for the record, my pronouns are they/them). I was soon contacted by a boy named “TheKingofCumshots” with whom I would spend a few days intimately interacting through text. I felt warm and lovely and cute and satisfied to a degree I had not experienced up to that point in my life. Then he asked me for pictures of myself. I panicked, logged out, and have not logged back in as “susiedream” since.
The song is narrated from his point of view. He imagines what could have happened to me, he imagines the life we could have had together, and finally, losing touch with reality, he imagines himself as Macbeth. The title, I think, is self-explanatory.


from Funereal Tymes, released May 8, 2017



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